Some notes on Korean TV dramas.

I've watched a few of these series now - thank you, http://www.dramacrazy.net! - and I would like to give my thoughts on some commonalities to be found in them.

The male leads are often very, very stalker-ish. How much so? To be point where if I were the female lead, I'd be filing a restraining order at around episode five. The constant meddling in the heroine's life! Creeping about outside her residence! The wrist-grabbing! Oh lord, the wrist-grabbing! This is not the path to true love. This is the path to a deep, burning resentment.

There is often an older woman who is in a position of authority over the leads. She is evil. Most of the other characters on the show will learn something from their experiences, but she will not. She will continue being powerful and evil as she rides off into the sunset.

The two romantic leads don't seem to like each other very much, even when one is stalking the shit out of the other. Their love will become reciprocal at about the two-thirds to three-quarters point in the series. A realistic explanation as to why this occurs will not be provided. They will still seem not to like each other very much.

Kissing is serious business. So serious that months will pass between one kiss and the next. Deep thoughts and many flashbacks will be had about each kiss.

If you'd like to recommend some Korean dramas that don't follow these stereotypes, oh, pretty please, do!

On Traveling Alone

It is often the case in this country that I wind up traveling alone - that is, no companion out of the starting gate and no one to meet when I reach my destination. Although my favoured form of traveling here is as a sort of auxiliary to another group - we can meet and part and meet as we see fit, for the purpose of good times and lessened frustration for all - there is some things to be said for the 'going it alone' strategy.

You can plan spontaneously. In a group, there is an expectation that you will move together and thus any change in the itinerary is subject to discussion and debate. If you're by yourself, you can change your plans on the fly immediately upon receiving new information or whims.

You can experience things that you wouldn't have in a group. You can talk to random people, random Koreans can come up and talk to you - yes, they're looking to practice their English, but isn't that what you're in the country for?

You can do what interests you the most. Many friends I have - well, they like beaches and clubs and shops the most. That's all right. Sometimes, I really enjoy those things too. But I really love museums and historical sites and chances to just wander with a camera in hand. (Sometimes, they really enjoy those things too.) It's so pleasant, though, to be able to go in any direction you want to. I will go to this amusement park! I will go to this island! I will go ride my bike! Those are grand statements to make.

With western food, at least, you have the choice of where you want to eat. Kebabs? Sure. Burritos? Definitely. Burgers? Why not? There is no need to negotiate with anyone. Note that this does not apply for Korean restaurants.

You become more independent. Any problem you face, you must figure out to how to fix it. I actually find that I'm calmer about 'situations' when I'm alone as opposed to when I'm in a group. Somehow, there is a mental block in my mind that if I'm in a group, someone else can solve the problem and I'm free to get into a pancake. By myself, there is no such crutch.

All your opinions about the experience are your own. You're not reliant on anyone else to decide how good a time you really had.

It can be lonely. But it's worth doing.

This is the great conflict of my life, which unfortunately has no villains!

I like puppies. I like dogs. I enjoy their complete honesty of emotion, their eagerness, their complete lack of pretension, their dear paws. I never met a dog I didn't like - even Thumper, who was kind of mean, but he had health problems, poor thing. I really, really want a dog.

Unfortunately, my landlady is afraid of dogs. So is my landlady's daughter. I don't know why they're afraid of dogs - perhaps it's a lack of experience with those fine furred things or they've had a bad run-in. It's not my business and it's not their fault. As such, they're allowed to forbid canines in my apartment as they see fit.

I really, really want a dog, though!

Whenever I'm upset, sad, or feeling crushed under a great weight of ennui, I ask my mother to send videos and photos of the dogs. Some - but not all - of my happiest memories of visiting home involve playing and cuddling with said dogs, as well little Tula, that happy pee machine. Whenever I see a dog strolling along the sidewalk, I feel an overwhelming urge to coo over and pet them. Dogs, to me, represent happiness, not fear.

Having a dog would increase my happiness quotient. But it would also stab a dagger of fear into my landlady and her daughter, which would be terrible, because they are very kind, virtuous people. I am staying in Korea for at least another year and a half, though - that long a span of time without a canine companion!

Maybe getting a boyfriend would be a good substitute, but he probably wouldn't play fetch nearly as well.

About that time, yes?

The weight of ennui is bearing down upon me and if I've learned anything about myself this past twenty-eight years, it's that I need to nip this shit in the bud right now. Therefore, this is my plan for the next week.

I will spend as little time in my apartment as possible. It is a nice, goodly apartment, but being in there alone evening after evening is not doing nice, goodly things for my morale or productivity. Various cafes? Sure, even that would be better.

I will see about hapkido or gumdo classes. I can't ride a bike every day; therefore, I must get regular physical activity through some other means.

Alcohol is right out.

Finally, this weekend, I'll go somewhere. I'll find a festival going on - or an Adventure Korea trip or that sort of thing - and I'll go there. I have to get out of Andong.

That is all. All these things are feasible.

This was an eventful weekend.

On Saturday, I went to a wedding. But not just any wedding! That's right, one of my coteachers, Mr. Kim, tied the knot and throughout the occasion, I was helplessly confused throughout the entire process. To start with, I haven't been to a wedding in over a decade, so the entire process is an enigma to me. Secondly, I was brought to the event by the gym teacher. He is a nice guy (albeit a bit of a brat), but he doesn't speak a lick of English and so was unable to steer me in the proper direction. One of the wedding hall staff took me upstairs to have lunch instead. Thirdly, Korean wedding halls - at least, the one I went to - are big, flashy affairs where there's seemingly a score of couples getting hitched within a few hours of each other. So I didn't know where the hell to go once I ate. I wandered about and madly texted another coteacher - Mr. Shin - who did not respond until after I found the right ceremony just in the nick of time and he went off searching for me. I summoned him back.

The ceremony had swords and Mr. Kim looked very nervous and sang a very enthusiastic song. His bride, whose name I do not know, was very beautiful. I hope the endeavour works out beautifully for them!

After that, I got ferried to the dining area again, this time by by the administration of my school, and almost ate myself sick. Sashimi, guys. It's a hell of a drug. Mr. Shin was kind enough to keep me company during this time and also to drive me back to Andong, along with a bunch of students. There may have been a bit of singing along to 'Mr. Simple'. Don't you judge us.

Once home, I changed my clothes did some other little things, and headed off for the train to Seoul. I ended up sitting next to an ajosshi who was all tuckered out from hiking and had the unfortunate affliction of snoring, so I hightailed it to the dining room and drank and read. Life is hard. Once in Seoul, I went to Itaewon, during which I had an awesome conversation with a dude (a US air force dude) who did not make moves on me in an egregious fashion! In Itaewon! And I was drinking really good beer at the time! Wow. After that, I went to sleep in a jjimjilbang. (Weirdly enough, I felt more subconscious than ever before about being naked in a jjimjilbang and I haven't a clue why.)

Next morning? Tattoo. Until the very evening. I only barely made the last bus, and only as a standby. If you want ridiculously detailed black and white work, go with Slam of Tattoo Korea and he shan't disappoint.

I was in pain and agitation on the bus ride back to Andong. But it was worth it.

Next week will probably be less action-packed.

YouTube does the work of words.

I don`t really care to describe in words my mental trajectory of the past week. So I`ll describe it through the majesty of YouTube videos! It`s what all the hip kids are jiving to these days.

Last Thursday? Best not to go into details. But needless to say that I did indeed have... 'Hurt Feelings'.

By Friday, though, I was ready to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. That is, by the way of 'Drink'.

Saturday day was a wash, but by Saturday night (as I did later on Friday night), I remembered the anthem of the 'Single Ladies'. Sadly, nothing came of it.

I awoke on Sunday with the profound desire to do nothing more than crawl under my blankets and watch pirated videos. Truly, I did need 'Home for a Rest'.

Monday, I felt quite small and insecure, thinking how amazingly unlikely was my birth. I tried to put a cork in it when I realised I was worrying my poor coteacher sick.

On Tuesday, I just drank lots of 'Fuckin' Tea'.

But by Wednesday, the usual frustrations began to creep back into my notice. My mental monologue went much like this cat's, complete with a male British accent.

And by the this very Thursday, I decided that fuck it, I should be 'Takin' Care of Business'. So I did.

Next time, I shall be positive, oh yes I shall. You might regret this.

Ten things Korea and I must talk about.

This topic is by the request of Lara, may she live for a thousand years. 

               I hold a great deal of affection for Korea. I can truly say that if I hadn’t have come to Korea, I’d have missed out on many wonderful friendships and experiences and I’d certainly be much more poor. Nevertheless, Korea, we must have some words regarding certain topics.

                Your taxi drivers, for one.

                The majority of Korean taxi drivers I interact with on a day to day basis are tolerable to deal with – sometimes, even a joy. (Sometimes, the offer of a Juicy Fruit on a bad day is all that is needed to turn it around.) But sometimes, sometimes…

                There are those that will do their level best to misunderstand you if you mispronounce a word in the slightest way.  There are those whose cabs have a suspicious scent and who refuse to roll down their windows. Then there are Seoul taxi drivers, who will take you to the exact place you don’t want to be, take you halfway to your destination only to pretend that they no longer know where to ferry you to and demand pay for the privilege to abandon you in the middle of nowhere, and speed so fast down the freeway that you’re debating whether you should text your friends to tell them what happened to you.

                I must also voice a complaint about the lack of proper ovens in your apartments.  I have never been much of a cook. My skills on that count amount to “let’s stick it in a frying pan and see what happens.”  But I do like to bake. Cookies, cakes, muffins, pies… These are things I like to concoct and stick in an oven until they are edible and delicious. And yet, you persist in equipping your apartments with little stovetops instead, leaving me to purchase an inadequate toaster oven.

                How am I to treat your workers and students with delicious cookies if I am only able to bake six cookies at a time, I ask you? How? Korea, I only want to make your people happy.

                Your urban planning needs work. Roads should be at least two lanes, no matter if there’s cars parked on the side or not. You need proper addresses that can be punched into a GPS in order that I have one less charge to lay against your taxi drivers and everyone’s lives can be made that much easier. A deliveryman should not have to phone me for directions to my home. My parents don’t have to – the street and the house number is all that is needed.

                Then there is the matter of your bread. Garlic bread, in particular, was never meant to be sweet. It is meant to taste of garlic and butter and salt. Yet I have learned to fear your offerings at the Paris Baguette and the school cafeteria. I know if I sample them, my hopes will only be dashed again.

                Korea, you provide for me a cheap drinking experience, but not a quality one. Soju costs a buck a bottle, beer at ten bucks a pitcher. Is it good beer? No. Not by a quarter. There is a reason why your foreigner population makes silly rhymes about ‘Hite and shite’ and ‘Cass and ass’.  There is a reason why I have gone so far as to brew my own beer. It’s a time-consuming process and the result is much more drinkable and delightful than your domestic mass-produced varieties.

                I don’t hold much love for many of the mass-produced Canadian beers. I’d sooner live off of Molson Canadian and Kokanee for the rest of my life than Max. May my father forgive me.

                ‘Maybe’ does not mean ‘no’.  I appreciate your need to save face, but ‘maybe’ actually does mean ‘maybe’. If you answer my question with a ‘maybe’, you give me false hope. Depending on the question, it’s crueller or at the very least, more annoying than giving me a simple ‘no’. ‘No’ will not offend me. ‘No’ will leave me nodding and moving on to the next thing. I give you permission – nay, my blessing! – to say ‘no’.

                Many Koreans – although, to be fair, the same charge can be laid against citizens of many nations – are all too ignorant about the rest of the world. One of my principals was amazed to learn that honey was not strictly a Korean product, but is, in fact, produced in Canada too. He didn’t try to argue against the point, which was good, but why should it have been so surprising? If they’re spending thousands upon thousands of dollars on every English teacher to come here, why should the most basic facts about Canada, America, the UK, Ireland, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, be incredible revelations to them? Growing up, I was at least expected to learn a Cliff Notes version of the history of the US and Europe. (And also, how Canada fucked up in regards to Asians and the Jews and Africans and Eastern Europeans and Natives. Or maybe BC was singular in this? I know not.)

                Advance notice is a welcome thing. As strangers in a strange land, our kind often become friends with other strangers. As friends, we often make plans with each other – to meet at a restaurant, to go watch a movie, to share a drink at a bar. Sometimes, we simply plan to enjoy our evenings alone and in peace. You can imagine, then, why we don’t particularly like being told at the last moment that actually, we have a staff dinner that we simply must attend. So please, a day of warning. Even two. It would make things so much easier and leave us so much less disgruntled. (Also, please, at these staff dinners, the occasional word in English would do much to diminish the awkwardness we feel.)

                When I venture into your stores, I am not a creature to be stalked. If I need your help, I’ll get your attention some way. If you follow my every step, I feel like in turns a circus freak or a suspected shoplifter. Just let me be. Give me some space.  The personal bubble needs to be respected.

                Lastly, there is the matter of your students. I teach high school girls. From 8:30 AM until 4:00 PM, they have regular classes. They have two afterschool periods after their cleaning time. Many, if not most of them study until 10:00 PM, until they’re finally let off. Many others must attend sessions at a hagwon. Many of them get by on six or less hours of sleep per night.  They fall asleep in my class. Can you blame them? I want to give them a love of learning and a genuine interest in English, but so many of them have been burnt out so thoroughly that it takes a herculean effort to get them to lift their heads from their arms and speak.

                They are afraid of exercising any creativity in class, for they’re so afraid that they’ll be ‘wrong’. I keep straining my brain on how to give them confidence in their own abilities and they’ll not have any of my ideas.

                This is my rant for this evening. Next week, I will rave about just the opposite, just you wait.

Fear for me, friends.

The poorly timed English camp cometh.

Why is it poorly timed? Because two friends are being so bold as to have birthdays to celebrate this weekend, when I'll be teaching said camp. Either the camp is poorly timed or their birthdays are and it seems a trifle unfair to blame two sets of parents for not foreseeing these circumstances two decades and some-odd years ago.

It will be a superhero-themed camp. The students will make masks and things. It will last from Saturday morning until noon on Sunday. Fourteen students, fortunately, for that is six less than last year.

On Sunday afternoon, I'll be huddled under blankets, looking much like a Jawa. I will consume pizza and beer and media until I am either summoned away or sleep takes me.

I will sleep until an indecent hour. I will give no fucks.

On a more distressing note!

I fear I will never get this song out of my head.

Damn you, Korea.

State of the foreigner address.

It seems like it is indeed possible to feel content and melancholy at the same time.

It's midterm season at my high school. I had no school yesterday because of my middle school's anniversary. I had no classes today because my coteachers were occupied with making sure the students were prepared. No classes and half days for the rest of the week. I've been spending the free time I've had so far relatively productively.

The beer is turning out all right; the cider still presents some trouble. I'll fix this in time.

At the same time, I feel a touch detached from other people. A few weeks ago, I started to write again, then nothing. I think the two things feed off of each other.

I also suspect one of my students is being bullied... I saw her crying to a teacher in the hall the other day. I genuinely like the girl and I wish there was more I could do for her than kind smiles and words.

But at least I'm better than I was; I'm capable of enjoying my own company now, and reading plus warm weather is a truly wonderful combination.

I still wish I could have a dog, though.

Things I've noticed when visiting home.

I'm in Canada right now. I will be until the 25th, at which point, I will return to Korea for another Exciting Year of Adventure (TM). As can be expected, some thoughts have occurred to me during this trip.

"Why does everything taste so damned good?"

"No, Kelsey. You wave, you do not bow. And put your other hand away when forking over your debit card, you weirdo."

"Ah! I must run to get across before the light changes or I'll be waiting forever! No, wait. No, I don't. Shit, you have to press a button here?"

"It's midnight. You know what I need right now? An alcoholic beverage of some description. Wait, there's none in the house? The liquor store is closed? The cold beer and wine store is closed? What do you mean, I can't hop across the street to the convenience store and get some?"

"The air smells very nice today."

"$2.50 for a one zone bus ticket? $5 for a three zone ticket? What the shit is this?"

"It's nice to be able to ride on the skytrain without being elbowed in the gut by an assertive old lady."

"The bus from Chilliwack to Vancouver only passes through every two hours or so? And it costs how much? And there's no guaranteed seating? And the seats are like what? What the shit is this?"

"Why does everything taste so damned good?"

"Okay, Kelsey. You are in a public place. You have a reasonable expectation of everyone around you understanding what you're saying. Judge yourself accordingly."

"Hey, there's a white person! Do I know them? No, I do not."

"HST. We meet again, my old enemy."

"My friends here are awesome. My friends in Korea are also awesome. Why can't I have both at the same time, if just for science's sake?"

"Hey! I can get Chilsung Cider and Peppero in Burquitlam! Sweet! And I can read all the hangul!"

"Is it wrong to drink all the beer just because it tastes so damned good? No."

This is just a short sampling, mind.